Creating a Context, a home

What the hell was I thinking,  this was a completely crazy idea.  My thoughts, fears, and tears were saying this as I lay in bed Wednesday night unable to sleep. This was a horrible, terrible, really bad idea.  Anxiety swept through my body, as I realized there was no xanax, my next thought was, "Mary Jo what do you know. What do you need to ground yourself. What do you do for others when they do not feel safe?"  The Answer: Create a context. I know those of you who know me well are, laughing and saying yeah right, yet you also know, it is the truth.  I laid in bed and thought,  what do I know, I am anxious, what is the fear behind the anxiety, I am basically afraid of being away from home for so long.  So, how do I create a context here, my home away from home. Which of course leads to the questions I have been asking myself  for the last last 18 months, who exactly am i going to BE and BECOME. Yet the blog is about the Present, so who do I want to be now. What would create my home in the present.  And I realized, the old saying, "home is where the heart is",  could it mean we carry in our hearts all that we need to know to create our home.  I imaged my home. The elements of my home are: creating and being part of a family and community, a cup of tea in a glass mug, a place to meditate looking at nature, exercise. This is how each and every day, I create my home in my heart, my balance.  With this warm feeling, I drifted off to sleep.

It is Sunday in Israel,  and I have created a home,  I am very much at home here.  I have a glass tea mug, warming my hands and heart, I joined a health club in the neighborhood I can run to where I am spinning, Zumba and Yoga,I am going to an intensive Hebrew language school everyday, which has a social component where we go to public places and schmooze in Hebrew.  I have worked everyday, I joined a volunteer organization to assist in dialogue between Israelis and Palestinians,  I went to services on Shabbat and had a lovely dinner with colleagues and today hiked with a group amongst ruins.

Everything we need to create a home, is within us, I know this for sure. We carry our homes in our hearts. Once we stop, come to the present, look in our hearts, everything we need is there. Part of individuation is venturing out from a basecamp and  yet having a home. Creating a context for balance, familiarity, and warmth. I have created a home.